Wow, what a crazy week! If you read my two blog posts last week, abnormal for me as I know that you all (and I) have lives outside of blog world, and therefore only post once a week, you know I went through a fast paced loopy loop roller coaster. The first post was excited, optimistic and encouraging. The second was completely the opposite. At least my motivation for writing it was.
On Saturday I was excited about how I’d been doing. Not gonna lie I’m realy enjoying writing this blog. But outside of the blog I went to a swimming pool with hubby D, toddler C and baby A and not once did I worry about how I looked in my swim suit. I was fully and enthusiastically enjoying the present. It was so much fun. But then Sunday morning came around. I stepped on the scale, checked my calendar and was devastated when I realized it had been 7 weeks since I’d lost any weight. I was so deeply affected by that realization I actually give credit to Satan because it’s been a long long time since I’ve felt that horrible as a person. This wasn’t just being upset about my weight it was all encompassing. How could I be writing a blog about my journey when I was failing? How could I possibly hope to encourage fellow readers or friends? How could I hope to be a positive example for my own kids? I was nothing, worth nothing, a waste of space. See what I mean a about all encompassing?
But that’s exactly why I chose to blog about it.
When I started this blog it was purely for me and I expected no one else to read it other than a few pity reads from family and one or two friends. But I have a few followers now. Each week I get more views than I expected to get for the entire year! And I hope that’s because people can tell that I’m honest, and that they curiously and genuinely want to follow along on my years journey. So I needed you all to see that they are not all good days.
I did incredibly well during my pregnancy and I think I expected the same steady success afterwords. I think I set my expectations for myself a little too high. But slowly, I’m getting where I want to be. That’s exactly why I set myself a year long challenge. I knew my results will take time. And I’m starting to really understand that I may not be where I hoped I would be at the end of this year. But I’m going to be a heck of a lot farther than I would have been had I not taken the challenge. And the habits I’m creating, the whole purpose of this year (read my first ever blog post here), are slowly but steadily being formed.
I spend more time cooking and baking then I ever have before. I’ve got an archive of go to recipes I don’t even need recipes for! Planning bi weekly meal plans are the norm of my Thursday evenings. I signed up for a ten km race in Banff, the first major commited step to my half marathon. I take specific supplements like pro biotics on a regular basis that I plan to keep taking for the rest of my life.
So I may be plugging along. But after a whole week focusing strictly on my value as a person completely outside of my physical appearance, I recognize the incredible progress I’ve made off the scale.
Hence my title of this post There are Times It’s Okay to Quit. Last week I gave myself a 30 day challenge to not wear makeup, or any clothing that was brand name, or of any color/fashion. I wanted to focus on reasons other than my physical appearance that spoke of my value as a human being. Sounds like a great challenge right? Well, it was. But I don’t actually think it’s necessary for me right now. I know that last Sunday was a horribly awful day for me. But by the grace of God it was only a morning. Those feelings, thoughts, worries did not even last past lunch time. During the week I did post photos on the blogs brand new FB page. Photos that described a reason I felt valuable that day. I didn’t wear a scrap of makeup, didn’t even put a braid in my hair. I wore plain t-shirts and brand-less tights or jeans. I spent exactly zero seconds worrying about how I looked that week and focused on all the wonderful things that make up who I am.
I am pulling out of the 30 day challenge because I know I have value. I know I bring something to the table of friendship and family, to this world. But it’s important that you all see that on this journey of life there will be good and bad days. But with God, the right mind set, and family and friends supporting you, those hard days will just get easier and easier to overcome!
Here are some of the photos I shared of my week 🙂
I am the daughter of a king. A grand daughter, a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend. I am artistic, athletic, musical, creative, daring, loyal, encouraging, and I hope, inspiring!!!!
Incase you were wondering, I think I had two cheat meals this week, did all three of my weight lifting workouts, but only one of my cardio workouts, unless I manage to do a second this evening. I’m plugging along, and hope you all are setting goals and seeing progress right along with me!